i can smell colors..

its been a few days since my last posting, no typical reason really. i could easily say that the holidays just simply got in the way. but, im honest, no time but like the holidays for a lil extra alone time. Avoiding sticky finger screaming kids, pre-historic aunts who like to bath in their perfume to cover the smell of not bathing in soap and water.[?] or simply , i was alone to begin with.

The happenings in my little corner of this green and blue asylum isnt anything i can really mention, with out serious repercussions. and ultimately, isnt worth the effort or energy.

its new years eve

and their is a blue moon.

finding the right words to describe ones-self can sometimes be a real chore.

how do you name the nameless...or describe the unknown.....hahaha i dont know really.

so.. we'll go with a color.... red.

maybe identifying to this color could give you a better understanding, who knows..maybe even myself.

i see red as in the middle...and in saying that i also think its most vibrant. red can mean death..fire..life...love..rage..etc..etc.. it definitely emits warmth to me. passion. it feels like my life line. a sense of urgency and then complete henderance. and then when you throw in shades, your really fuckin shooting into a whole whirl wind of emotions here.

i guess some would call that your aura. check that out. i know, sometimes things can seem so hocus pocus , well to candy eye's...

but really , what is a better way to understand something ( i guess that depends on who you are) but i would...*sigh* assume that feeling emotions (energy) is better than words. words create boundaries..which is why it takes other words...to describe words. you can only go as far as the tongue will allow you too.. but to feel raw emotions (energy) if i can conduct that to you,it is alot easier to explain myself.

funny..to think..i can do that with just one word..red...and it would seem what i wrote is contradicting then.... sure. it could be preceved as that..at a glance. but then you slow down..register that 3 letter word inside that brain..and its like *BAM* all those emotions linked to that word start brewing..zipping in and out sides way.you see it in your mind..that color....the word...is merely a trigger.

 whats also funny..is having to leave bread crumb trails in my own mind.

i thought i had more time for this. today. but no.. todays events must unfold at some point..besides..whens the last time you knew life to sleep in? 

ooo!! topics of intrest!!!!

* levels of consciousness 

* your 3rd eye is really your minds eye ( i guess this is why its always on the head..or on the hands..because you can not only see energy..you can feel it too)

* Extra Sensory Perception

happy new years 

Em

bullshit

just being able to lick the top of my cup of ice cream and it immediately freezing up again is just a tease. i've been craving sweets like a mother fuck lately. i just wish it would thaw out enough to pierce its awesomely yummy chocolaty Carmely nutty fat deliciousness..not sure where im going with this other than..nowhere really.

christmas was good.
got one packages the family sent. my brother got lots of nice clothes. and other misc. items.
um i got some pastels lol.a calgraphy set... canvas,clothes,and thats about it. still have one more package to go through.
Went off to new smyrna to matties aunt and uncles house for dinner. chilled and played shotbox for about a few hours. (that game is AMAZING) lost 6 bux tho.
had some drama very early the next day. that i cannot mention. due to the over abundance of ignorance floating around in most humans these days.

yesterday had some errands to run and a few friends over. 2 of whom..are not friends and people i really just cant stand.
i know tomorrow i wont be so sick
i know tomorrow i got a job.
Maria is now living with us for a few weeks. cleaned out the back room for her today..we will see how it goes this time..
 i need a new charger for my laptop.

jibberish-x-mass eve -

Im still in disbelief i slept in until 5pm today. flabbergasted. and im still tired.
Received one package today. its big. and still waiting on the other one. We will probably receive it after Christmas. whatever. lol.
right now im helping my aunt tammy set up on meebo.com so we can cam together. I dont really talk to her much but on the holidays. this is the first holiday my family hasnt been 2gether in 6 years.
yeah weird. showed her all my paintings. and she showed me the one i gave her a few years ago for xmas.

My knee is kinda hurting me a bit more awkwardly thank usual. like small pin jabbing inside my kneecap and benind my knee. what i would give to be able to stretch my knee and leg out comeptley . Im tired of standing on my right leg. seriously. its been what 5 or 6 months now.

yesterday was chill,
spent some time with carole and then waited for mattie to go on lunch and had lunch with him at like 6pm lol.
i think i was up late again , im not sure, its just extremly crazy i slept untill 5pm and that was forcing myself to get up.
im pondering on what to do for new years.
i still really need a job from S.J *still crossing fingers*
and everyday i wake up i am happy i do not have a kid.

i cut and colored my hair last night
turned out fabfuckintabulious
i sorta feel like myself again.
a bit warmer inside.

its been a long time since i've been single. and i think im starting to like it more and more.i think.

soo new years is coming up in like what? a week?

no more smoking. no more lots of things really.
25yrs old on the 13th of january.
a few things i am excited about.
i really like this picture...its of my craft room ceiling and window with the cross' we borrowed from the church. its mirrored off my mirror i shot on [why its upside down]. with all the blood paint splatted on it (diffrent project)

gr

wtf our packages were supposed to be here by now, sent 10 days ago. i know its the fuckin holidays. wtf santa your slacking, so you gotta disrupt everyone elses fuckin mail delivery.

finnished avatar. awesome
watched we are the strange. cool.

got some running to do today. mattie check, carole me money, gas,grocery shop.what not.
i think i really wanna attempt to trim my hair.-yup-
and i think i wanna dye it as well.

i think i had a dream..and i think mirda was in it *shudders* gah, bitch is like a million miles away in cali and she still has to torture me? what gives. shes like that cockroach that just wont die, no matter how many times you stomp on his ugly ass.

i should paint today. i have a week to finnish everything. yeah..i need to find some greens.
oh shit and need a bleach pen
and to start painting on clothes.
i'd like to go outside, but im sick. grr. more cough medicine.

okay shower time!

eh

Last night at loki's i had the urge to have a quick draw on my cards read. he lit a candle , i shuffled asked my question and cut the deck. of course i did not as the question out loud. and loki had no idea what i had asked. he flipped the first card and grinned. then the 2nd and the 3rd followed until the final card lay over them all. He seemed excited for me. hey said, you have your mind made up. you have your answers, if you can figure out how to line them all up and go through with what you want, you will be successful.
odd how yahoo had the same horoscope for me about a week ago.
and when i went to my answer book it said "you shall be prosperous"
now all i have to do is find a nice fortune cookie.

i attempted to make a dress today.
fail.fail.fail.fail.fail.fail.
i know i really wasnt in the mood . and im pushing alot of creative energy out lately. i dont want to get stuck in a rut right before i want to have everything done.
i think i just need a REAL dress form.

agitated at everything lately. and i want some damn moccasin shoes!!

But anyways, 
Check out Etsy.com its like ebay but for people who make their own stuff.
infact i want these ones (found on etsy.com)

going to go finnish watching avatar.

costume malfunction

tiny pic removed the costume picture [rofl wtf?!]..soo ima try to figure out how to repost it. *huuuzzah* !!!!

1st round

hands down , feet up, best fucking costume EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



i am a bit confused...


i cant tell whats feet and whats dick


smiles...


a closer look..


chuckles...


i couldn't be any more honest..




 my car hahaha *le sigh*jk

Tuesday

Which means i've made it through another monday.
I should get my package today from the family. Care package mixed with xmas. should be interesting to see what they have managed to stuff in it. pots and pans? hopefully! money? maybe! clothes? i don't need anymore!!! i asked for nothing. as i do every year. and my family always seems offended ? like when i ask them to go feed the homeless or donate time at a shelter. WTF? i guess they still have that same mentality as what they tried to feed to me as a kid. "they did it to themselves" im not sure which of the 2 of my grandparents belched  that heartfelt phrase to me..but im going to assume 100% my grandpa. He hates life..with a fucking passion. but..he's "christian" so he cannot kill him self.  trust me out of all the hateful, ignorant,down right nasty and rotten shit this man has pulled committing suicide could only save himself.
anyways..
My package..yes i want..i love surprises!! i personally do not celebrate christmas. BUT i do accept gifts =D why not? fuck it! i accept gifts when no "holidays" are even involved. people love me like that i guess. i used to get gifts all the time in derby...but honestly..thoses were prolly peace offerings.. hahahaha *le sigh*

STILL WAITING TO HEAR ABOUT THIS JOB IMA GET (that is me manifesting and directing positive energy twords myself)

Im still sick. and im not sure but i feel better than i did yesterday and im not on any medicine yet..but my taste buds are out for the day or something..i tried to eat these jalapeno chips last night and i couldnt tooo spicy. woke up this morning and ate the whole bowl and didnt even feel one hint of peno. not sure whats going on.
i know TMI maybe? or ULI (useless info)

Im not really in the mood right now to get all philosophical and start talking about things that i believe in. or how i think the mechanics of everything works.  But what i can tell you. Is that my friend Bob. Has this amazing website..... yes its Normal Bob Smith  
there you can read about Hate male, amazing strangers which are weird people in union square, satan salvation which is the hilarious comic bob has made. and don't forget hot girls!! Super Chics!!
if you think you have been bitten by the xmas bug , bob has something for you . Try Jesus Dress Up !

the tempature outside mixed with the seabreeze feels about like 40 something out.
i have more cleaning to do. and i've taken a longer break than expected on my paintings..i have given myself untill the 1st to finnish them..and i have yet to start on the Marylin Monroe Zombie..which is the BIGGEST painting im doing. HA! and i no longer have the troll..i wasnt feelin it..so i making the cheshire cat!

my humor ina nutshell

I want to make a dress..but i havent been in the mood to sew anything. ugh. i want it tho......i think its cuz i have nothing but crappy scissors...oh snap! i forgot i have that pair of electric ones HA!

and i somehow have to prepare for a full day of filming with a bunch of people i dont know. i guess a 6pk will cure that. anyways im out !

sober hearted

i sat around for a good part of today, i've been sick. felt it coming on when i couldnt stop sneezing the whole day the day before. sometimes i seriously think you can really tell the exact moment you catch something..or atleast i can.or..at least i think i can? who really knows. other than im always right on this fact.
  It was pretty chillie in the house most of the day. even tho when i wake up every fuckin morning its 64 degrees upstairs and downstairs. so i've been trying to keep it at least 73. and it still fills cold when i do that. ugh, i know the electric bill is going to be high again.FUCK.
but in doing so. i feel i can keep myself from getting any sicker.and not feel all stiff bodied and not want to do anything. My room has been in need of me cleaning it for about 2 weeks. its still not clean but i folded about 5 tubs of laundry =/ and left one. HA! i needed a few beers.

aside from all the painting i've been making myself sick on. putting in god knows how many hours. i've also been trying to block out all the negativity around myself out. and relax with my friends.

Maria came back into my path earlier this week. Her ex happend to spot me in the flea market.and told me she was working right up the road from where i live. walked in monday nights (which she never works) and there she be!
She got to meet mattie. they hit it off.

We all sat and got fucked up and played chess for hours! i need another set or 2.
Mattie played my brother and kicked his ass. i then played mattie (first time in like 3 or 4 years because my set has been in storage) yes that is me making an excuse as to why i lost to him. lol. then maria and him played 2 games and she kicked his ass. Next day it was Maria and I against each other. game lasted about 2 hours and put her ass in check about 5 times. untill i was able to kill it! yes.that is right i win!!!

so yeah, lounged around chilled with mattie till he went to work. then i started to clean and fold all my laundry..like i said..i have one more basket left and whatever is in the dryer now..and im DONE lol.
and then i just have to "actually clean"

which shouldnt be too bad. i think..

and so my friend derek passed away. im not going to touch on this but just a mention.
and with that is how i am now talking to channey again..barley. Not sure if this is a good thing..actually i KNOW its not. heh.

*insert love hate love by alice in chains here*
im trying to will good positive energy too myself..im going to "get the job"
i went and had some beer over at loki's around the fire. was nice. celebrating the solstice and yanno talking about philosophy is what we do.
and it is very true that people are born with knowledge.

this guy has been around the house for the past week. getting closer and closer to my house.

how did it start?

so much i could easily write about. but nothing really wants to come out. not sure if i really wanna rant about anything at all. im going to get dressed and head to 7-11 . its cold. i need inspiration. and maybe hot cocoa.

im sick and im going to walk to the store. ugh. i hate this weather.
Christmas and new years are right around the corner.
rent is due soon
still no job
late on electric bill
and water bill
car is about to die
maria wants to stay a few weeks.

i dont care about anything other than getting a job.

and i still fail.

over all this stupid shit.

i hate you 2009

2010 is intresting it can be divided into it self .

coming together.

Working on a few projects. for the academy's grand opening.
one is a evil clown, which i am mixing oil and arclyic to give it a gore effect.and tonight i may have made a stupid move . i added toilet paper with white arclyic to give it a more skin effect. hopefullly it will dry and stick how it looks.
2nd is an edgar allen poe raven with quotes
3rd is a skull with red circles which looks awesome, i completed it last year.
4th is a bleeding heart with iridescent wings . don't know what to add to this to finnish it. something is missing.
5th is a troll..not sure what kind of troll. im still working on the body
6th is a what hope will become Marilyn Monroe zombie portrait. just started the background for it tonight.

Got a call from will p0wers today to help him set up a booth in the flea marekt selling stuff. and also business to business sales. making commission. selling ed hardy and bob Marley novelty products.

have an interview saturday at 10am for a server at sloppy joes. i know i will get this job!
still working friday saturday and sundays at the flea market for the pet boutique. soo many things!!

practiceing making items to sell . Jen , mattie and i are going to be i opening a D.I.Y store in the flea market in a few months as well. so we have to make all the products on top of doing all this other stuff.

I had to tell carole i cannot babysit anymore for her. its too much and im not able to get anything done.

my car is illegal now. i really hope i do not get pulled over!!

i really like my orange lights.

i really really really need a job.

i also have the hot dog cart to pay off and get started. i should go visit Jimmy soon! i know events are coming up!

i need peoples..and my peoples need peoples.

now how to organize and plan all this out.
and finnish everything.
my horoscope said i could do it.
i just realized how much i really have going on.
dang.
no more emily.

i was told to think "look at my hands" when i feel asleep tonight. It was supposed to make me have a dream related to my hands? or if you said "look at my feet" maybe a dream about buying new shoes? something like that? Well it was hard because my mind wanders around and i forget i was supposed to be thinking about "my hands"

I didnt end up dreaming untill after i woke up the first time this morning. I feel back asleep and i remember dreaming about mattie buying alot of food..and i mean ALOT of food. but it was all snack food. he bought like 10 boxes of pop tarts, 5 boxes of cookies he stocked up on everything it was insane!! and then he was stingy with it all..that is so not like mattie.
and then i had a dream of ghost. i just realized this pattern, i dont remember many dreams, but when i do, they are all about ghost, haunted houses, me always in these big haunted houses running from something? i think the last time i had a dream it was about zombies , and i was at a school.

interesting eh?

Today its rainy out. its kinda nice. think ima stay in and try to make more outfits. Im watching aylah for a bit again to day. Was supposed to meet my friend at the mall for a lunch date..and she ditched me =( im sure there is a good reason for it.