drifting hell

all i can think about lately is how much i want OUT of this town. and how much i want to move to NYC.
NOT sure what i'd do once i get there. and i know HAVING a plan is always best. but unfortunately my life doesn't work that way.

asking myself what i have to lose here at the time i want it most is pretty comical.

I have more going for me now that i ever have..
but at the same time..i just wanna leave.

this town is crawling with vultures / scavengers.

the things i have going for me require time..more time spent here in daytona beach. UGHHHHH

things that would take more time in NYC. and surving alone in NYC is hard enough..but i think if i can survive Daytona..i can survive anything.

i also find myself wanting to be alone. but im happy i have found a friend similar to myself..
Money does drive me and so does Success. Success to me is achieving MY goals. (not being a part of a fortune (sp?) 500 business. but who's to say this mind wouldn't create one?)

I want to own my own business. living off of my creativeness. so i am happy that Cousin Jen and i have found a bonding. something that both of us can share and also help each other out with.

no place really seems appetizing. each place i've been sorta has its own haunting memory.
realizing my reality is no reality at all. i have painted images in my head of places that seem worth residing. but settling down..is a bit unsettling . for some reason i have a hard time admitting im scared of commitment. feeling trapped. living my life for someone else..i almost feel as tho i do that..like im being forced to live a life path based off what the general populous pulls out of their ass. making getting a head a harder task than being 25 yrs old ,single, and NO kids. That in its self i am VERY proud of....and i admit..i really shouldn't be. and the fact that i am..scares me..
so ....as i was saying (?)

i REALLY need to get my shit together..and stop trying to survive..and start LIVING.

i guess what i am searching for ..is what place has the most to offer??  someone like me.

I need a place where i can be inspired..not ransacked or butcherd .
a place that has a "mix media" population/culture.
somewhere with a beach .
somewhere with mountains close by
a big city is a must.
art culture, music culture anything with a thriving culture...not a town living in the past..15 mins of fame and holding on to every last milisecond.

and those are just the prerequisite's.

but i also really really looove the art academy..and that..feels like home to me. a portal of creativity.

i am very..very confused...little girl.